still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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