Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
