Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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