Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
