I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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