No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
