So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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