Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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