seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
