I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
