he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Two words: blizzard sex
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
