You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
