She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
