Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
