I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
