Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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