I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
