You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
