I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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