The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
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