you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
