i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
