Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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