after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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