my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
