Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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