I'm lost and stupid without you.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
