i permit you to call me
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You have to summon your inner elephant
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
