pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
