pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
