My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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