Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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