No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
