I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize