I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
