Sober January is a disaster.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
