You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
