He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
