no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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