I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
