oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
