My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
