i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
