how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
i think i just naturally attract stoners
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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