This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
