So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
