Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
