This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
