I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
