Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
