Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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