it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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