I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
