I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
