I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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