im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
