he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize