how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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