well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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