so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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