my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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