everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
there is puke in my bra ... again
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