when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
