i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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