is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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