Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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