Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
