dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
