i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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