bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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